SPLITTING up from a partner can be extremely stressful.

And along with the emotional turmoil comes the prospect of drawn-out legal proceedings.

But Lynne Sturrock, a family law associate at firm Thorntons, says going to court should never be the first option for couples at the end of their tether.

Today, she writes for The Scottish Sun about what drives people to split and how to get through a divorce without coming to blows.

And she outlines the steps couples should take before considering stepping foot inside a court room.

JANUARY is thought of as Divorce Month due to a perceived spike in enquiries to law firms from people wanting to separate from their spouse or partner.

It could be the result of a backlog due to firms being closed over the festive period or because people see the New Year as an opportunity to reassess their lives and start afresh.

While we do often see an increase in enquiries at this time of year, the idea of Divorce Month is a bit of a myth.

Clients very rarely make a knee-jerk decision to end their relationship and it’s almost always something that they have thought about for a long time before taking legal advice.

Financial pressures caused by the cost-of-living crisis or just by the expense of Christmas, can be factors that contribute to a couple’s decision to separate.

Equally, concerns about how they will manage to support two households can mean that people choose to stay together and delay divorcing.

There is no “one size fits all” solution to separation, as there are different ways which cater to individual circumstances.

This can range from simplified procedures where there are no financial matters to resolve to more complex cases requiring negotiations.

There are several ways to resolve matters, including mediation, collaboration, Minute of Agreements and, finally, court proceedings.

Family mediation can be a way for couples to take control of their separation and try to agree matters on a relatively amicable basis.

Both parties sit down and discuss issues with an independent mediator, who will help facilitate the conversation and resolve matters in a less acrimonious environment.

The mediator uses their skills to give both parties the chance to discuss problems and resolutions in a more structured way.
Keep united front

Couples who want to have more control over decisions in relation to their finances or arrangements for their children are increasingly turning to family law mediators.

Collaboration is a type of dispute resolution where parties and their solicitors take part in a series of round-the-table meetings where matters are negotiated.

Parties concede they will not go to court and sign an agreement which commits them to finding a resolution together.

Rather than focusing on what a person may be legally entitled to claim, this process is based on outcomes and what is best for the family as a whole.

This can help secure good ongoing communication between the parties despite their decision to bring their relationship to an end.

Separation agreements, also referred to as Minutes of Agreement, can deal with a variety of matters including financial assets, such as properties, bank accounts, pensions and childcare arrangements.

Although not legally binding, these documents will be upheld in court as long as they have been properly and fairly negotiated.

And finally, as a last resort, court proceedings will be raised.

We understand that the alternative options will not always be applicable and, while we would encourage clients to settle matters out of court where possible, court proceedings can be raised if necessary.

Most commonly this is where both parties cannot agree to resolve all outstanding matters involving finances and care arrangements for any children.

When considering separation, it is important to take specialist legal advice as soon as possible — and do not sign any documents without seeking advice first.

There is a lot of useful information on the internet, but family and financial circumstances can vary drastically.

Do not assume that all answers can be found online. Obtain bespoke advice, tailored to you and your family’s needs.

Disputes can get messy but when children are involved, try to keep a united front and avoid encouraging them to “choose a side”.

This extends to social media, too. Posts online about the separation or divorce are frequently printed off and used as evidence in court for family disputes.

EASE PAIN OF SEPARATION

LYNNE shares her best practice for couples considering splitting up:

• Take specialist legal advice as soon as possible.

• Do not sign any documents presented to you by your ex-spouse without seeking specialist legal advice.
• Avoid involving your children in the dispute at all costs.
• Do not post anything about your divorce on social media.
• Change passwords for all personal online accounts, such as emails, social media and online banking.